I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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