THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
