She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
