So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
