so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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