So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my phone needs a breathalizer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
FUCK WHALES
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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