i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
