i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
