i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need water and some morals
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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