we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
