i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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