I love black thongs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
