i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
