There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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