I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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