dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
