This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize