I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i have two assholes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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