dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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