We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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