8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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