I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
