Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
