I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
