id be glad to
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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