I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
