I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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