i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
