hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
