My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
