problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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