More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize