Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
