Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
