He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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