So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
