I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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