You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
