I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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