You're completely useless in the revolution.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize