we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
