Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
