you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she smelled like a LAN party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
