i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
