hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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