VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
