How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
