Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
