It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
