Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
