Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
