Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
