Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
