woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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