You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
