apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
