Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
