and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
