Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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