yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
