You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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