On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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