You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
