in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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