She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
