i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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