just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
