I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
