i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk walkin through police station. America
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
