Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
