When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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