Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize