you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
