I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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