dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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