I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
