In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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