Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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