i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
