Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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