Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
