I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Will exercising make me less horny?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
